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My blood brother was buried today.

I was continuing in the back of the church. In that location was a special word for it, but nosotros rarely went so I didn't know. I didn't care either. It was where I stood. People came and said their goodbyes. Angie and Marissa had sat beside me. They were proficient friends. I suppose. Angie's family unit came to the funeral. Her mom hugged me, patted me on the head, and then they left. Justin was there likewise. He was Angie's boyfriend, simply he saturday in the dorsum with his friends. He took her hand now and led the fashion to his truck.

I watched from the church building as she bent forward once they got inside his truck. Her shoulders were shaking so I knew she was crying. He moved over to condolement her. And so I looked to the left where Marissa had parked. She was watching them too, just she wasn't alone. The new fellow came over and kissed the back of her neck. They got into her automobile and collection off while Angie was still crying in Justin's machine.

It struck me as odd.

Angie was crying, simply she barely knew my blood brother. And I knew Marissa was leaving to have sex. That's all she talked about before the funeral. Angie told her to close up, but it never worked. Marissa ignored her and did what she wanted to do.

"Hey."

Jesse stood adjacent to me and followed my gaze. He grimaced. "Your friends suck."

I frowned. "No, they don't."

"Yeah, they practice. But don't take my word for it."

"They're upset."

He snorted, rolling his eyes. "They shouldn't be. They didn't know Ethan and they should withal exist here for you. Where are your parents?"

I shrugged. "They're here somewhere." Just I knew they weren't. They left nearly immediately afterward the ceremony. That was normal now. Since the accident, they hadn't talked to me. I knew my mom was grieving. I could hear her crying at night. My dad was with her, but sometimes he ignored her. He spent the nights on the burrow. She stayed in their room and I saturday on the stairs, between them. No one went near Ethan'south room. And Jesse had stopped staying over then his room sat empty. I stayed in his room that first night, but I didn't sleep. I but laid there and waited until forenoon.

Glancing up at him, I saw the frustration in his dark eyes. His black pilus had been combed to the side earlier, but it was sticking up. He raked a hand through it and pulled at it when he was actually pissed. It was a mess now. His dark eyes flashed from acrimony as he scowled. With high cheekbones, his fuck-off attitude, he was lethal.

I asked, "Where's your dad?"

Jesse rolled his eyes. "Fuck. You remember he'd come to this?"

"Yeah."

He snorted. "He wouldn't come."

But he paused. I heard the small inflection and I asked, "Did you tell him?"

"No."

I understood. Malcolm Hunt was a big deal in the Hollywood scene, only he was virtually nonexistent in his son'south life. Hence the reason why Jesse had been living with my family since his own mother died iv years ago. Sometimes I wondered if Malcolm Chase fifty-fifty knew his son never stayed in their huge mansion, but Zala probably covered for him. She was their housekeeper, just she doted on Jesse. I knew she had more so since Ethan's accident. I saw her at the infirmary a few times with him. I'd never admit information technology, just I was jealous of Jesse. I wished Zala would hug me at times or bring me nutrient like she did with him.

"Screw this shit. Do you want to leave?" He glanced around. The corners of his optics were stretched tight and his pout was a fully formed scowl at present. The tie he had worn had been ripped out. I saw it peeking out of his pocket.

"Become where?"

"To get drunk." He jerked a shoulder upwards. "I don't care. We can go to the house. No one will be there."

"What about Zala?"

"Are you hungry?"

I shook my head. "No." I didn't remember the concluding time I was hungry. No, I did. Before the accident. I wanted pizza when nosotros went to Justin'due south party. Angie and I raided his family's kitchen and broiled a bootleg pizza. Lots of cheese.

"Why'd you ask almost my housekeeper so?"

"I don't know." I was lying. I lied to everyone now. It was 2d nature, though I didn't know why I had started.

"Allow's go. Everyone took off."

I glanced towards the basement. They were serving sandwiches and potato salad, but I wondered who was even going to eat it. Jesse was right. The just people who lingered were the ones who went to this church building. We didn't. Some of Ethan's classmates stayed, along with this football coach. Every bit Jesse crossed the parking lot towards his black Ferrari, there was another group that congregated around the church'southward picnic tables. I saw their newspaper plates and a part of me relaxed. At least someone stayed for the nutrient. For some reason, that mattered. Ethan would've wanted people to enjoy a repast for him.

"Hunt!" i of the guys called out.

Jesse ignored them and gestured to the door. "Go far."

As I did and reached for my seat chugalug, they were nevertheless watching us. 1 girl had stood from the tabular array and stared at me, looking sad. She had long blonde hair and was pretty, similar a existent life doll. I asked, "Who are those guys?"

"No ane."

"Who, Jesse?" I could tell they weren't 'no one'.

"Jeremy Benson. Stay away from him. He'southward bad news, Alex."

Zippo more than needed to exist said. Benson and his friends were known for drugs, boozing, and getting arrested. I was glad that Jesse had ignored him now. He collection out of the parking lot and gunned the engine. Jesse had always been a speed demon, but it was worse since Ethan'due south death. However, no one said anything. Jesse Hunt got away with near annihilation he wanted. His dad gave plenty money to the local police department and who else would pace in to end him? Maybe Ethan, but his best friend was dead now.

My brother was dead now.

"What's wrong?"

I'd never become used to it. Ethan was supposed to be side by side to u.s.a.. No, that wasn't correct either. Ethan was supposed to be where I was sitting. I should've been in the back seat and my blood brother would've been lecturing Jesse on the laws, how he needed to follow the set speed limit. Jesse would ignore him, but he'd smile and slow to a more reasonable pace. So the two would laugh nigh something, curse at each other, and we'd caput dorsum to my home. Ethan never knew it, but sometimes Jesse and I touched easily. We never held each other'southward hands. Jesse had a girlfriend, but not anymore.

I looked over at his clenched jaw. His knuckles gripped the wheel tight. I sighed, "Are yous hoping to bring together him?"

His foot let up immediately on the pedal. "Sorry." He shot me a rueful look. "I don't think sometimes."

"I wish I could stop thinking."

He glanced over again. "You seem to be holding up all correct."

"It'due south called not feeling. It's the best method for mourning. You don't."

A corner of his rima oris lifted, but information technology wasn't a grin. It wasn't even a half-smiling. Jesse's eyes were empty now. "I remember I'll endeavour that tonight."

"What?"

"Terminate thinking. End feeling."

"I want to get drunk tonight."

"It's on the agenda." His eyes flickered now. A little scrap of warmth was there. "You certain your parents were however there? I didn't see their car in the lot."

I lied over again. "They think I'yard staying at Angie's tonight."

"Does Angie know that?"

"No."

He grinned again as he turned onto his street. Then he turned upward the colina that their huge mansion had been built on. As he parked outside, a brand new Jaguar was already there. Jesse stopped and stared at it before the slightest scrap of warmt

h faded from his eyes over again. He took his keys out and dug information technology into the side of the car. He walked the entire length before he tucked his keys back into his pocket, taking my hand in his. "Fucking new girlfriend's here."

"Yours?"

"My dad's. Come on." He took me downward the hill then nosotros entered the house from the back door. Nosotros walked through the basement and headed up the farthest set of stairs. A feminine giggle was above united states of america, followed by a homo'southward moan, but Jesse ignored the sounds. He led the way through the back hallways until we got to the farthest end of the house. I knew where his room was, but information technology'd been so long. I might've gotten lost. As we stepped into his room, it was similar a whole other house inside of their firm. Jesse had his ain living quarters.

The sounds had grown quieter, but when he shut the door, there were no more than sounds. It was only us.

I perched on his king sized bed while he rifled through his liquor cabinet. He had his own bar. Information technology still amazed me, even though I knew he'd had it for a while. He was a junior. No, that wasn't right anymore. Ethan had graduated. Jesse would be a senior and I was going to exist a inferior. Nosotros were so young, simply I didn't feel young anymore. I felt onetime, too old. And every bit Jesse poured himself a glass of something dark, he didn't look young either.

Was it possible to age years in three days?

I felt it.

"Here." Jesse gestured to the 2nd glass. "Come over here."

I did. My dress inched up my thigh, only I didn't pay it any attending. I wouldn't even feel it in a moment. I was still new to drinking. My commencement party had been earlier in the year, simply I knew my tolerance wasn't much. This glass and another, I'd exist drunk.

Jesse already finished his. He began pouring a second for himself.

Well, maybe not. Maybe I wouldn't feel this, like I didn't experience annihilation else. Only I drank it and I did. In that location was a burn down. I barely flinched equally I nudged the glass over for a refill.

"You sure?"

I nodded. I needed it. Tonight, I needed it. Tomorrow, I'd deal with the consequences.

After I sipped the 2d drink, I cringed. "Marissa told me that yous broke up with Sarah. Is that truthful?"

He nodded as he leaned confronting the wall behind his counter. He moved his glass around, making the liquid swish in a circle. "I suppose."

"Why?"

"Why non?" he countered, frowning into his glass.

"Jesse."

His eyes looked upwards and caught mine. He was hurting. I saw the agony, just I could only see it because information technology was in me. No one else saw it. No one else was privy enough to be allowed past his walls. Why he let me through, I'd probably never know, but I was grateful. He was the but one who understood because he was the only one who loved Ethan as much as I did.

He relinquished, "I broke up with her because it was getting too serious."

"You lot weren't with Ethan that nighttime?"

He finished his glass and poured another. As he settled dorsum confronting the wall, he shook his head. "No. I was at dinner with Sarah and her parents. The fucking in-laws, or that's what they were referring to themselves as. I didn't give a shit. I didn't even want to be there."

I bit my tongue. Sarah was perfect. She was tiny. She was beautiful. She was kind. And she'd been Jesse'south girlfriend for three years. She was almost opposite of me in most ways. I was normal in tiptop and slender, but unlike her porcelain skin, mine was gilt tan. Angie told me it matched well with my dark hair and night eyes. It didn't matter how I measured up. No one else intimidated me more than than her. I sighed now because I wanted to ask him so many more questions, simply I recognized the angry tone to his voice. He was moving across his irritation. It might've been the funeral or his dad's girlfriend's auto. I didn't know. Mayhap information technology was fifty-fifty me, but this Jesse was ready to snap. I'd been around a few times when he had. It was never skilful. A guy had gotten browbeaten upwards ane time. Some other time Jesse had been arrested for taking a bat to someone'southward car. The third was when he drove a machine over a cliff. I'd been in the car and he told me to go out before I knew what he was doing. He'd thrown himself out of it before information technology was air-born, but that'd been the scariest. It was the day his mother had died.

Ethan told me later that car had been Evelyn'south, Jesse's mother's.

That aforementioned Jesse was with me right at present.

Uneasiness prickled down my back, but he wouldn't hurt me. Jesse never hurt me. He'd react around me, but never at me.

"Why are yous asking questions virtually Sarah, Alex?" He glared at me over his glass. His eyes were dark and stormy. A shiver went down my back, but not a bad one. As my lungs filled, I needed to be there. I couldn't be anywhere else. I didn't know what was going to happen, but I wanted it. I needed it.

I tipped my caput back and drank the last of my alcohol in i swallow. My tolerance was notwithstanding low, merely I learned some skill over the concluding twelvemonth. I pushed it towards him beyond the counter again.

He didn't move to refill it.

"I desire some other one."

"Why are you asking questions nearly Sarah, Alexandra?" He didn't move from the wall.

"Jesse, come on."

"You come on. Respond my question."

"Respond mine start."

"I did." But he frowned back into his drinking glass. He hadn't. He knew I knew he hadn't.

I sighed and rolled my eyes. "Right, because it's getting too serious makes perfect sense," I bit out. "I'g a twelvemonth younger, merely I'm not an idiot. I know yous, Jesse. Yous dumped her when we were at the infirmary. She chosen to enquire if y'all wanted her there and you said to exit of your life for expert. And so you hung up. Existent classy for a boyfriend. Three years and that'due south how you lot break up with her."

He glowered at me. "Shut upwardly."

"No. I think she deserves an caption. I would. I mean, really. 3 years and that's all you said? I know you lot haven't talked to her since. You blocked her number."

He frowned.

I answered his unspoken question, "I watched you do it. I could tell what y'all're doing. I'm not stupid."

"Yous could tell?" His optics narrowed to slits and he put his glass on the counter. Two steps from the wall and he was against the counter. "You can tell what I'yard doing?"

I swallowed thickly. I had been able to tell, but this Jesse was new to me. He was predatory and scary. A 2nd shiver went down my spine. He wasn't scary in a bad way, but in a adept mode, an all-together scary course of a good fashion. I licked my lips as he stalked effectually the counter.

My heart began pounding and I opened my legs a little. I knew what he was going to do before he did it. I think I had e'er known.

Yous wanted this the whole fourth dimension, even back at the church. You little hussy.

I flinched at the voice in my caput. Was I really going to exercise this? I was a virgin, just this was Jesse. And this was me. And I had wanted him for so long.

He reached me and slid his hands under my legs. They went all the manner nether my cheeks and he moved between my legs. He didn't even demand to nudge them aside. I opened them. I was eager most information technology. Equally he bent over me, his lips came down, my heart wanted to explode out of me.

So long.

I had waited for this for and so long.

I licked my lips, simply he didn't press his to mine. I wanted him to, badly. Every bit he hung there, suspended in the air, I murmured, "Jesse."

"Can you lot tell what I'thousand doing now?"

My arms lifted and I wound them effectually his neck. I was the one that pulled him closer against me. He fit at that place perfectly and I lifted my legs to lock behind his waist. One of his easily roughshod to my thigh. He burned a trail over my pare as he slid his mitt to my core. He was slow and purposeful. He watched me the entire time, judging and measuring me.

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